August 21, 2005

RVS.org Guide: How to Read Police Reports

Loyal ReverseVoteSwappers will doubtless already be familiar with and outraged by the police murder of Jean Charles de Menezes, a young Brazilian man gunned down in a subway car during the current wave of racist hysteria in the aftermath of the London transport bombings. As though the initial reports were not disgusting enough, it is now clear that almost every detail within these reports was a police fabrication.

Pragmatic ReverseVoteSwappers, of course, know better than trust the words of racist cops trying to protect their own asses. It can still be difficult at times to wade through the various layers of police misdirection, obfuscation, and bullshit. Therefore we offer the following translation guide, so that next time an innocent person is gunned down on either side of the Atlantic, our readers will immediately be able to assemble the facts without waiting the requisite five to six weeks before the truth is actually published.

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Posted by convener at 06:02 PM in RVS 2005

August 18, 2005

A Story You May Have Missed

August, usually a slow news month, has been packed with excitement this time around, especially with various Zionophilic organs making much hay out of Israel's strategic relocation of a bunch of settlers from land they swiped in Gaza to land they're about to swipe in the West Bank. As a result, some pretty interesting news is falling through the cracks. We here at ReverseVoteSwap.org were particularly fascinated by a piece that we reproduce below.

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Posted by convener at 11:51 AM in RVS.org

August 15, 2005

C&RC: "Defend Iraq from Militant Christianism"

[The Cut & Run Caucus has issued the following statement on the looming threat of fundamentalism in post-Saddam Iraq.]

Everyone wants a democratic and secular Iraq, in which all forms of religious expression are accepted and tolerated by the state, up to and including the most crazy-ass ones. The realization of this dream, however, seems less rather than more likely as the occupation continues. The post-Saddam government of Iraq, rather than representing the full diversity of religious belief throughout the nation, is dominated by a single ideology of extremism.

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Posted by convener at 11:13 PM in Cut & Run!

August 11, 2005

C&RC Announces "America Is Fucked Occupation Stay-Home"

[ReverseVoteSwap.org is pleased to support the following initiative by the Cut & Run Caucus.]

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld recently announced a America Supports You Freedom Walk on September 11, 2005. This march--sorry, "freedom walk"--will commemorate the fact that, since 9/11, Americans have been getting violently killed at an unusually high rate, even by American standards. The Cut & Run Caucus can appreciate the sentiment behind such an event, but we feel that it's ultimately not in keeping with the prevailing national mood, which is dominated by feelings of defeat and self-hatred. Inasmuch as such feelings encourage Americans to cut and run, they are the road to national salvation, and must be encouraged.

The C&RC is therefore proud to announce the AMERICA IS FUCKED OCCUPATION STAY-HOME! Read on for the exciting details!

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Posted by convener at 01:24 AM in Cut & Run!

August 10, 2005

Parents: The Anti-Islamo-Fascism

[Sorry folks, another paid message from the Department of Homeland Security. High-class taste bloggers got to spend paper!]

Nothing is more devastating to a parent than to lose a child to militant Islam. However, many parents are not trained to spot the signs of experimentation with Islamo-fascism, or are uncertain of how to confront their child about it. The Department of Homeland Security, based on the smashing success of other government programs, has developed this guide to help. Remember, defending the Homeland begins...at home!

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Posted by convener at 10:37 AM in Take That, Osama!

August 03, 2005

C&RC: Advice for Immigrants on Whitey-Avoidance

The Cut & Run Caucus, upon learning of the recent subway execution of Brazilian Jean-Charles Menezes by London cops, experienced the same range of emotions felt by all sensible people the world over: intense anger, profound sorrow, and a deep sense of holy fucking shit they shot him eight times!

Much has been made of the fact that Menezes was in Britain on an expired student visa, as though this bit of useless information made the punishment fit the crime. This horrific murder of an innocent immigrant signals increased scrutiny of those in Britain and the US on student visas. As we have said before, given that the majority of competent individuals residing in the US are foreign-born, attacks against immigrants threaten to fuck up the shit of the very fabric of the nation.

Therefore, the Cut & Run Caucus would like to offer a a preview of our forthcoming primer for immigrants, particularly those on student visas, so that their stays in the US might be as terror-free as reasonably possible. Of course, these are only safety precautions, not solutions. Attacks on immigrants will continue until the US finally decides to cut and run the hell out of Iraq.

Cut and run, y'all!

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Posted by convener at 01:41 PM in Cut & Run!

August 01, 2005

Ask a Judge Roberts!

There is, perhaps, no greater addition to a politician's arsenal of ways to tastefully ignore his constituents than email. At least a diligent citizen can stuff a handful of anthrax in a physical letter when he wishes to underline his point--the worst that can be transmitted via email is a computer virus, which one suspects the average US elected official, always concerned to get the best deals on Viagra or the sweetest cuts on Nigerian bank transfers, already possesses in spades.

The latest act in this political sideshow is the Senate Democrats' Ask John Roberts page. The idea is that YOU, the lowly netizen, can ask some intern to ask some staffer to ask some Senator to ask John Roberts a question! How antidisenfranchising! Of course we at ReverseVoteSwap.org are inclined to believe that by the time a serious question makes it up that totem pole, your "why the hell did you let the fucking cops get away with handcuffing a little girl for eating a french fry on the subway?" will become something like "I think I love you, so what are you so afraid of?"

But let it not be said that RVS.org looks askance at any opportunity for political dialogue, even the most sub-stupid. We enthusiastically encourage our loyal readers to submit questions for Roberts to the Senate Dems--and we've even provided some samples below!

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Posted by convener at 03:32 PM in Which Way Backward for the Democratic Party?

C&RC on the John Roberts Nomination

The Cut & Run Caucus has issued the following statement on the Roberts nomination.

Cut & Run Caucus on the John Roberts Nomination:
"America Is Not Ready for Such a White Justice"

The Cut & Run Caucus was deeply disturbed to learn of President Bush's nomination of John Roberts to the Supreme Court. Of course he is a political nightmare, but that would hardly phase us; what is most troubling is his unbelievable whiteness. At this point in our nation's history, America is not ready for such a white Supreme Court Justice.

This is, of course, a pretty white country, and, in spite of a growing population of ethnic minorities, seems to be getting whiter all the time. But even still, we no longer live in the age of sock hops, Zoot Suits, Queen Victoria, and whatever else cracker stuff used to be the big thing. The country is simply not prepared for a Supreme Court Justice who makes Toby Keith look like Afrika Bambaataa. America has, as the youth say, "moved on dot org."

The Cut & Run Caucus calls on the United States Senate to refuse confirmation to this racist monkey honky-dog thieving pirate.

Posted by convener at 01:01 PM in Cut & Run!

July 29, 2005

Pelosi: "GOP Competence Disgraces America"

The Central American Free Trade Agreement (CAFTA) will now become law, having just passed the House 217-215. It squeaked through on the good graces of the "CAFTA 15" of House Democrats who voted for it. This will, of course, come as no surprise to readers of ReverseVoteSwap.org, who generally Know What Time It Is, but it is causing a lot of shock among people who Don't. This has apparently spurred House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi to issue a strong statement condemning...the Republicans! In politics this is known as the Springer Strategem, named after the phenomenon wherein a woman throws a chair at a third party with whom her husband has been sleeping while leaving the gentleman untouched. We reprint Rep. Pelosi's fascinating letter below.

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Posted by convener at 12:01 PM in Which Way Backward for the Democratic Party?

July 23, 2005

B├╝rokratzeitung III

Loyal readers, ReverseVoteSwap.org's favorite magazine for labor tops gossip, One Day Longer, has made it to an astonishing third issue! Truly, these are the days of miracle and wonder!

In the last issue we saw ODL take on the big debate in the AFL-CIO. Now, only days before the AFL-CIO's National Convention, the crisis has become both more dire and less principled--a combination of traits that is, perhaps, only attainable by the unique genius of American labor bureaucrats. Yesterday's New Unity Partnership is today's Change to Win Coalition, which blends some of the more progressive-minded unions with others that are more oriented to, ah, Family values. The newest ODL profiles the CtWC, and we have special sneak peek below!

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Posted by convener at 05:00 PM in Navel-Gaze or Thumb-Suck?