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In Which Way Backward for the Democratic Party?

July 18, 2005

A Sneak Peek at the 2008 Democratic Party Platform!

ReverseVoteSwap.org's legendary pragmatism and deep connection with the American proletarian masses has won it many friends in the world of political consulting. We have learned much by way of these shady, anonymous sources--but our recent acquisition of the 2008 Democratic Party Draft Platform is surely the pièce de résistance!

Many people feel that the platforms of the mainstream parties are meaningless documents; President Bush once bragged that he hadn't even read the Republican platform (although, surely, he could have said that about anything). Nonetheless, we at ReverseVoteSwap.org believe that a party's platform plays an important role, signifying the essential modalities of the party's unique approach to mushifying the issues. Thus we are both proud and duty-bound to present to you this important document.

2008 Draft Platform of the Democratic Party

MOTTO: "Take that, Osama!"

SUMMARY OF KEY ISSUES
CHILDEN
The future 		WORKERS
An important natural resource
WOMEN
Our mothers & wives
Must be kept secure
Also an important natural resource 		ENVIRONMENT
Corporations must pledge to work IN the environment!
VALUES
Strongness
Strength
Muscularity
Toughness
No Osamas! 		SECURITY
Priceless
America's gift to the world
Better to fight Islamic rule in Baghdad than Boston!
CHOICE
Help women choose not to have abortions through laws and commands
Faith-based programs
Safe, legal, and unheard-of 		GAYS
N/A
(God Bless Our) TROOPS
Universal flag pins, ribbon magnets on the homefront! 		COLOREDS
Mend them, don't end them!
Some of our greatest athletes, singers, minstrels
Counted among our best friends

Posted by convener at July 18, 2005 12:07 AM